damnitkayla:

Clearly I didn’t study hard enough for that mid-term exam. I’m so effin mad at myself. ><” (Taken with instagram)

I’m enjoying College more than I had originally imagined. I worried so much about being the oldest in my classes but in fact I am surprisingly the youngest. I mean- who would have known, right? I then had to remind myself that going to a Community College is nothing like High School. Even at a University there are older adults taking sophomore courses and whatnot. All in all, I feel less ashamed of the fact that I didn’t push myself harder to take a few classes after High School. Though with being pregnant, no license, no car, and two jobs that each gave me two work days a week, I didn’t have enough will, motive, or the money to attempt any sort of goal in mind. But now I’m different. My confidence grew ten folds. I’m much more motivated to reach higher goals and achieve them. I have both a license and a car for transportation. I have a full-time job. I have a son that brightens me up everyday and is always encouraging me with sweet, loving, and powerful three little words to keep me pushing. I am definitely in a good place and I strongly sense nothing but good will come my way as long as I work hard with a good attitude.

I am completely in love with life. Of course my love life is sadly lacking but I am still content. Being in love with someone who is in love with someone else always sucks but at least I love someone. At least I feel good loving him. At least I can spend time with him.

 I don’t feel incomplete or at loss. I am just happy.

College life, work life, and being someone’s mother. They are all blessings I am beyond grateful for.

damnitkayla:

My definition of love is eternal. Once you’ve discovered it, felt it, embraced it, and cried over it, there is no other kind of love that can tremendously overcome that or let alone beat it. That very first experience of loving someone, giving your all, and accepting every bit of perfection, every flaw, every blemish, and every tear they shed, can’t be redone. It just simply cannot. It’s irreplaceable. Once you’ve found that type of love, it cannot easily be stopped. It can’t even be controlled. It’s in you, running through your veins, and creating it’s own form of electrolytes that pumps your heart. It keeps you moving. If you meet someone who gives you that type of love, do whatever it takes to hold onto him or her for as long as you can. We all have someone we are fated to meet and fall in love with but our destinies have their own ways of meddling with our love lives and so not all relationships work out the way we’d want them to. But even so, the love remains the same. Even if in the end you decide to walk different paths, the love you both had will never be replaced. No one could ever make you feel those electrifyingly powerful emotions you once felt with the first one. Love isn’t a fairytale, guys. Love has two sides, good and bad. When you’re happy in love, you realize you can’t see yourself with another person. When you’re angry in love, you also realize you can’t live without that person. The good and bad sides of love also reveal the importance of that person you chose to share everything with. Comfort also plays well into it. If you can be yourself, completely and honestly, with that person, then that is the comfort love grants for both of you.

This is it. It’s finally happening. I am finally enrolled in school after waiting three years. Surprisingly, I am neither nervous or anxious. Just waiting for the first half of the day to pass so I can leave and drive over to campus.

This morning, I woke up hardly tired at all. I reminded myself not to take my sweet ass time getting ready, though, because I needed to get to work at exactly 8:00am. I turned on the TV, inserted Crazy, Stupid Love in the DVD player, and began getting ready for work. Weirdly, I can’t function without some type of background noise, just like I can’t sleep without music. Maybe because I grew up with my parents leaving the TV on all night and always throwing parties every weekend that I became so used to the sound of someone singing or talking that I can’t go a day without either one. Of course, actual conversations or someone in the house singing doesn’t count. Not at all.

After a three day stay at his dad’s place, Kayne came back home. As usual, his dad would open the door for him, give him a morning/goodbye hug and he would run up the steps to where I’d open the door for him. His dad, most likely still worried about my bad temper, explained how our son suddenly had a red mark on the side of his forehead and assured he was okay. Considering our history, he knows very well I don’t take surprises very easily.

I made Kayne his usual warm chocolate milk and the middle and grabbed my stuff to head out. Unfortunately, my mom forget to ask my dad if she could start using his car for the next three months on three days out of the week because I’d be taking the van to school after work. My dad and I got into one of our many arguments over miscommunications and my mom stayed quiet. She knew better, clearly, since I reminded her so many times and it was her own fault for not informing my dad. I showed her my new work and school schedule and she still didn’t make driving arrangements with my dad. I seriously don’t understand both my parents. As a matter of fact, I never will. As much as I love them to death and beyond, I will never be able to understand their slow comprehension.

Today is the first day of school for me. I have Math class today. 

I’ll end this intro here and write later about how class was and all that good stuff.